Written by: L Michael Schecter, DMD
Once upon a time, well maybe twice upon a time, there was a skinny hapless little Jewish kid we will call Larry. All of his meager and impoverished life he worked shoveling coal in his Momma and Daddy’s shoe store in the mythical city of Louisville, Kentucky. The business was located in a place known as the Haymarket district. Little Larry had a job to keep the old furnace stoked and provide heat for the timeworn drafty building. Larry lived above the store (when allowed) with his parents, Philip and Esther, an evil sister Babsie and a nasty brother Bobsie. These two siblings were spoiled to the core. (Remember, this is a fairy tale now). They always teased Little Larry because he was never allowed to climb out of the cellar and into the sun. Larry was young, naïve, and appeared pale and emaciated. Babsie and Bobsie constantly taunted Larry calling him Gaspar the goofy ghost and other hurtful names. Even Larry’s parents were ashamed and made him stay down in the dungeon-like coal cellar too. Larry, on the other hand, loved the coal cellar. It was his refuge from reality, and he always watched as coal was delivered through the coal chute. But finally, the shoe store was required by law to stop using the coal furnace. The heating was, therefore, to be modernized and a gas heater was installed. Poor Larry now had to face reality. No more hiding in the dark. He was forced to emerge to the surface and face sunlight. After initially being temporarily blinded by the bright sun, Larry was stimulated to do more stuff outdoors. He became interested in various sports (No T-Ball back then), gradually gained strength and a healthy demeanor. When Babsie and Bobsie saw how handsome Larry was becoming and how much bigger this little youngster was becoming, they grew very jealous. Bobsie and Babsie had built up so much anger that one day when Larry was not looking, they grabbed him and threw him back into the coal cellar. Ohhh what meanness and nastiness prevailed. They would only release Larry from the basement to eat leftovers from the previous meal. But none of this lecherous behavior could stop Larry from continually growing handsome and transforming every day. (Maybe it should read, more attractive every day, oh phooey, I don’t know but on with the story).
Then one enchanted day, a beautiful little girl entered the shoe store with her mom to buy, what else, shoes. “Ohhhhh, who could that pretty looking little girl be!” wondered Larry. Babsie and Bobsie did not like this at all, and they threw Larry back into the coal cellar once again (yes, again). As time passed, Larry watched through cracks in the coal cellar door as this lovely, little ten-year-old girl, well, she looked ten to the kid, returned periodically again to purchase more shoes. The newfound customers made Momma and Daddy very happy. One evening as Larry was sleeping; he was awakened by a mouse, an enchanted magic mouse that bit him between the webbing of his right big toe. (Remember, it’s a fairy tale.)
“Ouchies,” cried Larry, “Why did you bite me like that?” “Squeak squeak squeak,” squeaked Squeaky the squeaky mouse. Then the magic mouse spoke in English, “You will take that pretty girl to your school play.” “Oh goody goody!” replied Larry excitedly.
“Tomorrow night (or whenever), I will supply your mother with a pattern to sew a costume for the school play in which you will appear.” “You will have the part of the wolf in your school play of Peter and the Wolf meet Red Riding Hood,” squeaked the mouse obnoxiously again. “But you must learn your part well to impress your newfound friend. “By the way,” continued the mouse, “her name is Lauren.”
The following morning, Larry was awakened by the sound of the evil siblings talking loudly. Bobsie notified Babsie that Little Larry would be the star of the school play. This angered Babsie. She was so jealous that she decided to hatch a plot with evil brother Bobsie. They visited Joe’s Faery Shoppe just down the street from the shoe store and bought another pattern. They went home and stole the wolf pattern but substituted the design they had just acquired from Joe’s Faery Shoppe. “Don’t tell mom, Babsie warned,” “she hasn’t started sewing yet, so she hasn’t seen the new pattern we got. Hee hee hee”.
The time for the play preparation has elapsed. All the kids arrived, and parents were helping get their children into their costumes. When Larry’s mom looked at the outfit, she was horrified! She dressed her son, and behold, he had transformed into a beautiful butterfly with aluminum foil wings. “No!” yelled Larry tittering, crying and stamping his feet. “I will not go out there like that!”
The play progressed but it didn’t matter, as none of these kids could remember their lines anyway. Larry stood behind the stage, thrusting his arm through a hole in the curtain and otherwise acting like a love-struck sore loser. Lauren kept watching the guy who was in the tiger costume while the Wolf got shot by Red Riding Hood.
Epilogue
Larry awoke from his dream. Yes, it was only a dream. Today, Larry lives a tragic, lonely, but always optimistic life in Cincinnati, Ohio (not an actual city). Nevertheless, the goal remains ever so real. He often wonders whatever happened to Lauren. Who played the tiger, and where did Little Red Riding Hood come from?
Finis