Bunny Tales

Written by Lynette Hager Bohman

Dear Reader,

            Be warned this story is based on true events.  If you choose to flip through these pages your life will be forever changed and everything you though you knew will cease to exist.  Proceed with extreme caution.

Your friend,

 The Late Charlie Stewart

            It started just like any other Easter morning.  Mom laid my clothes out for me neatly by my bed.

                        “Mom – Do I really have to wear a tie to church?” I yelled downstairs.

I paused, holding my breath, waiting for her to say no but I knew deep down what she would say.

                        “Charlie! Now you know how handsome you look all dressed up.”

                        “Fine.” I grumbled under my breath.

            I got dressed and headed downstairs for breakfast.  Sunday morning breakfast was always the best, but Easter was extra special because momma made carrot pancakes.  The smell would fill every nook and cranny of the house.

            After breakfast we headed to church.  As we drove, we discussed the day’s festivities.  I couldn’t wait for the egg hunt.  This year they said there would be money eggs.  I wonder how much would be in them.  Maybe a nice crisp $20!  That would be bussin’!

            The preacher took forever!  I think both of my butt cheeks feel asleep as I sat on those wooden pews.  I kept looking out the windows watching the clouds rolling in.  Can he not see it is going to rain?  Bet we don’t even get to do the egg hunt.  There goes my chance at any prize egg.  Great!

            As the service came to an end momma handed me a bag from her purse and I darted outside.  Nice, just in time to miss the storm.  Stepping outside I saw kids were already lining up around the field.  Eggs were scattered everywhere.  There had to be 10,000 eggs.  They told us there were only five gold money eggs.  GAME ON! 

READY!      SET!     GO!

            Kids began running from all directions.  I picked up a few and then scanned the field for the elusive prize eggs.  From the corner of my eye a light began to blind me.  I put my hand up to block it and peeked to see where it was coming from.  As I walked closer, I could see the largest golden egg I had ever seen.  I snatched it as fast as I could and popped it open.  A chocolate carrot?  What the heck?  Where is the $20?  I took a bite of it and tossed the rest to the ground.  What a crappy prize.

            I started to walk back to the church and felt the backside of my pants rip wide open. I reached back to feel a fuzzy ball.  OH MY GOD I HAVE A TAIL!  I looked down just as my shoes began to tear revealing two big furry feet bursting out of my shoes.

            Panicking I darted for the wood line.  Is this really happening?  I am flippin’ turning into a bunny.  From behind I felt a tap on my shoulder.  I turned to see a 6ft tall bunny standing behind me.  He stared me down with his furry arms crossed and his fuzzy foot tapping in disgust.

            “You ate it didn’t you” he said.

            “Ate what” I responded “and how are you talking?”.

            “The carrot…. in the egg.  You ate it didn’t you”

            “Well yeah. so what”

            “So what…. SO WHAT… IT WAS MINE… THAT’S WHAT!”

            “Well how was I to know?  Why don’t you try keeping track of your stuff?  Who cares anyway?  I am turning in to a bunny.

            “You’re turning into me”

            “Into what?”

            “Into me! You are turning in to the Easter Bunny!”

            “There is no such thing”  I laughed

            “Well, who do you think you are talking to genius? Now let’s get you out of here”

            “I am going nowhere with you.  I just want to go home.”

            “Yeah, that isn’t going to happen” he laughed

            “This is not funny. This is not funny. THIS IS NOT FUNNY”

            “This is not funny Charlie – Wake up Charlie”  my mom’s voice came thru.  I opened my eyes to realize I had fallen asleep in the middle of church.

            “I am so sorry mom.  I didn’t mean to.  I don’t want to be a bunny.  I want to go home”

            She giggled and kissed my forehead.  ” It is ok Charlie.  Just wake up.  It is almost over.  Time for you to hunt those Easter eggs”

            “Oh no!” I whispered.

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